How Do Teenagers Speak?
The way teenagers communicate differs significantly from that of adults. The emergence of distinct communication styles is one of the signs of the transition into adolescence—a phase marked by significant physical, psychological, and social changes.
Teenagers, naturally egocentric (in the sense that they focus intensely on themselves as they seek to understand their identity and evolve as individuals), are often highly concerned about their appearance and behaviour. They seek support and approval, often motivated by a desire for conformity that extends from physical appearance to language. Young people want to be accepted by their peers, and consequently, they adapt their way of speaking to align with the social groups they aspire to belong to.
Language, therefore, becomes a crucial tool for connection and social bonding. Verbal interactions are not only a means of communication but also a way to build and strengthen relationships. In this process, teenagers use language as a way to express group identity—often through codes and slang that may seem incomprehensible to adults. This distinctive language not only fosters peer identification but also provides a sense of belonging and security within the group.
Young people often coin new words and phrases or extend the meanings of existing ones in highly connotative and suggestive ways. This phenomenon reflects not only creativity but also a response to specific social and cultural contexts. The words and expressions used by teenagers often mirror their daily experiences, interests, and media influences, resulting in a dynamic and constantly evolving language.
Additionally, teenagers tend to intensify linguistic indicators, often accompanying them with expressive body language. Conversations are often filled with exclamations and interjections to emphasise emotions and feelings, making their communication dynamic and engaging. The use of swear words can also be seen as a manifestation of this characteristic, serving not only to express frustration or surprise but also as a form of rebellion or self-assertion. These linguistic elements contribute to creating a lively, interactive atmosphere, making conversations among young people more animated and participative than those among adults.
Speaking and Communicating with Teenagers as Therapists
Therapists are, of course, adults, but they need to create conditions that encourage young people to communicate with them. Psychologists, counsellors, and therapists may choose to align themselves somewhat with the teenager’s communication style while maintaining authenticity to avoid appearing false. When it comes to vocabulary, it can be useful for professionals working with adolescents to learn and occasionally use their verbal expressions.
Teenagers tend to clearly express their likes and dislikes. It can be helpful for those working with them to frankly share their own preferences, demonstrating respect and showing that the young person is accepted even when their tastes differ.
Due to the developmental stage that brings constant uncertainty and self-doubt, praise and positive feedback can be very reassuring for adolescents. It also demonstrates that they have been heard and understood.
When speaking in groups, teenagers often reveal a lot about themselves, assuming that others will do the same. The use of self-disclosure is a much-debated topic. Some professionals believe such revelations may create issues in the therapeutic relationship, while others argue that how self-disclosure is presented makes the difference. I resonate more with the latter perspective, convinced that self-disclosure can be particularly useful when working with adolescents.
Another effective communication strategy with teenagers is the use of metaphors. Metaphors express a concept in an alternative form, offering a different perspective. This strategy serves various purposes: it can increase engagement, stimulate insight, and suggest solutions to problems, promoting significant change. Metaphors also help create a relaxed atmosphere conducive to communication.
Humour is another vital aspect of communication with adolescents, serving multiple functions. It can lighten the conversation, create a more relaxed environment, and act as a vehicle for acknowledging life’s absurdities, offering a new perspective on reality. By suggesting a ridiculous solution, humour can encourage adolescents to creatively seek new alternatives and make past events more acceptable. It also plays an essential role in strengthening the relationship.
When you can make someone smile at themselves, you have achieved a significant milestone. A person who momentarily dis-identifies from their problem and sees its humorous aspects may reduce the intensity of their emotional response, view the issue objectively, and discover previously unconsidered solutions. However, it is crucial to use humour appropriately, ensuring it does not hurt the teenager’s feelings.
Finally, direct questions play a significant role. While they are seldom used with adults to avoid turning conversations into interrogations, teenagers often use and accept this mode of communication. They also need more prompting to maintain interest.
Some open-ended questions are particularly suited to working with adolescents. Examples include questions that enhance awareness of their feelings and emotions, questions about past, present, or future choices, exception-seeking questions, goal-oriented questions that explore how things could be different, and transactional questions that dynamically guide the conversation or change its focus. Transactional questions are particularly effective with teenagers as they align well with their tendency for digression—frequently shifting topics during conversations.
Allowing teenagers to deviate from the subject during conversations can make interactions feel less threatening and more relaxed.
Conclusions
Significant differences exist in how teenagers and adults speak and interact. The way adolescents communicate is intrinsically tied to their search for identity and belonging. Language becomes a powerful tool for exploring who they are and how they relate to others, reflecting the ever-changing social and cultural dynamics of their daily lives.
For therapists working with adolescents, effective communication requires a deep understanding of their needs and the ability to adapt communication styles to meet those needs. Providing emotional support and building trust are fundamental elements for successful work with teenagers.
Written by
Dr Elizabeth Moore, Psychologist
(consultation only in Italian)
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Bibliography
Telleschi R., Torre G., Il primo colloquio con l'adolescente, Esperienze nei diversi contesti istituzionali, Cortina Ed, 1988
Speltini G:, Minori, disagio e aiuto psicosociale, Ed. Il Mulino, 2005
Palmonari A. Manuale di psicologia dell'adolescenza, Ed. Il Mulino, 1977
Danesi M. Adolescent language as affectively coded behavior: findings of abservational research project, 1989
Barker P., Il colloquio clinico con bambini e adolescenti, Ed Astrolabio, 1990
External resources
If you wish to explore the topic of psychological manipulation further and find relevant articles and studies, consider these important academic and institutional resources
American Psychological Association.Link: American Psychological Association
Child DevelopmentLink: Child Development
The National Institute of Mental Health.Link: National Institute of Mental Health