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Borderline Personality Disorder: Traits, Relationships, and Interventions

Writer's picture: dr.ssa Elizabeth Mooredr.ssa Elizabeth Moore

Un soffione al vento, con i suoi semi che si disperdono nell'aria, simboleggia la fragilità e la volatilità delle emozioni nel disturbo borderline di personalità. Come i semi che si disperdono, anche le persone con questo disturbo possono vivere esperienze emotive intense e da difficili

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex and pervasive psychological condition that profoundly impacts emotions, relationships, and behaviour. This article delves into the key features of the disorder, the role of parenting and early attachment experiences, the impact on interpersonal relationships, and therapeutic strategies to address it.


Key Characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Fear of Abandonment: People with BPD go to great lengths to avoid real or perceived abandonment. They constantly seek attention and may react disproportionately to minor signals they interpret as neglect or rejection.

  2. Exaggerated Reactions: In relationships, even a normal need for space by the other person may be seen as a sign of abandonment, leading to disproportionate reactions as if it were proof of rejection.

  3. Idealisation and Devaluation: Relationships often start with idealisation of the partner, friend, or colleague, but even minor conflicts can lead to total devaluation. The individual views others as entirely “good” or “bad,” with no integration of positive and negative traits.

  4. Emotional Roller Coaster: The emotional life of people with BPD is marked by extreme highs and lows, affecting not only themselves but those around them. Their reactions often seem incomprehensible or excessive.

  5. Destructive Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviours frequently include substance abuse, disordered eating, compulsive spending, or risky sexual behaviours. Alcohol and drug use are particularly common.

  6. Traumatic Past: A significant percentage (up to 82%) of people with BPD have experienced severe neglect, physical abuse, or sexual abuse in childhood, often linked to emotionally struggling or traumatised parents.

  7. Identity Struggles: Individuals with BPD often experience a fragmented sense of self, struggling to perceive themselves and others as cohesive and consistent entities.

  8. Dissociation: A mix of trauma and unpredictable attachment leads to internal dissociation. The child may yearn for love but struggles to integrate the parent’s image as a unified figure.

  9. Emotional Triggers: Seemingly neutral situations can provoke intense reactions tied to past traumatic experiences. Others may unknowingly become targets of accumulated anger.

  10. Control in Relationships: Excessive emotional responses often draw others’ attention, serving as an unconscious way to maintain control in relationships. This behaviour can erode bonds over time, as others may view it as threatening or erratic.


The Role of Parenting and Attachment

Borderline personality traits often emerge in family environments marked by unpredictability, neglect, and dysfunctional attachments. Parents may alternate between affection and anger or indifference, creating an ambivalent dynamic for the child. This duality fosters a deep-seated conflict, as the parent becomes both a source of love and fear.

For a young child, such unpredictability can be devastating, impeding the development of essential skills like self-reassurance and emotional regulation.


Interpersonal and Romantic Relationships

Individuals with BPD experience highly unstable relationships. They tend to idealise their partner or friend at first but may quickly shift to complete devaluation when conflicts arise. This alternation, often baffling to others, creates an emotional “roller coaster” effect.

Neutral or independent actions by others can be misinterpreted as rejection, triggering intense reactions of anger or despair. In romantic relationships, this can lead to destructive cycles of conflict and reconciliation, severely challenging the stability of the bond.


Therapeutic Interventions and Strategies

  1. Therapy: Therapeutic interventions focus on emotional stabilisation. Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is particularly effective, helping patients develop skills in emotional regulation, stress tolerance, and interpersonal improvement.

  2. Awareness and Emotional Management: Before addressing trauma, therapy involves building self-awareness and learning to manage emotions. This process often takes a year or more but is crucial to prepare the patient for processing traumatic memories without destabilisation.

  3. Medication: For some patients, mood stabilisers or antidepressants may help reduce symptoms and enhance engagement in therapy.

  4. Social Support: Helping patients establish a supportive network is essential for improving quality of life and providing a sense of belonging.


Conclusion

Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex condition requiring a multidimensional approach. Understanding its roots in dysfunctional attachment and childhood trauma is key to supporting those affected. While the therapeutic journey is long and demanding, with appropriate support, significant improvements in emotional management and relational quality are achievable.



 Written by

Dr Elizabeth Moore, Psychologist

(consultation only in Italian)

 

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Bibliography

  • Manuela Martinelli, "Non siamo mai abbastanza", 2020, Edizioni Erickson -

  • Alexander L. Chapman e Kim L. Gratz, "Il Disturbo Borderline di Personalità", 2015, FrancoAngeli -

  • Jerold J. Kreisman, "Borderline e oltre", 2014, Giunti Editore -



External resources

If you wish to explore the topic of psychological manipulation further and find relevant articles and studies, consider these important academic and institutional resources.


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